Current iTunes: 3 Doors Down - Here By Me

So much of my desperately precious time has been wasted on hopeless battles of power and ego stroked individuals. A while back, I found myself standing in the middle of a crowded place looking around to lost and equally confused peers trying to find out an answer to a question I didn't imagine would ever come. I searched and hunted for anyone who was competent enough to give me the knowledge or the leverage required to pull myself out of this ever widening reclusive pit to which I'd become accustomed to. Who was going to help me? I screamed at the top of my lungs and no one heard me; the comforts friends gave me was a temporary relief at best, and not enough to drown my confusion. My point here is that I finally feel I've grown out this shell, I'm no longer one of the lost and confused turning and praying for help, I've become the man I've always wanted to, the man standing in the middle of this cluster of madness, with the all too familiar confused expressions surrounding me for once. But now, these expressions look to me, they are literally shouting to me for hope and direction, and I refuse to be a cliche' and write their needs off as my superiors did before me. I'm now the person people talk about, the one people say "talk to him, he'll do anything he can to help you, just like he did for me", I can't even begin to describe that feeling. The subject I'm referring to is almost solely about my job in the Army, but lately it seems it's stretching beyond the boundaries of my work, and is steadily becoming evident among my close friends and acquaintances, I'm the one people ask for help. Apparently I've managed to conjure a degree of respect and knowledge that other people look to, and appreciate. I'm just glad I can give back something that I reached for so many times unsuccessfully, I hope things continue this way, as it's what enjoy. Take this blog for example, maybe some people read it for a little insight to the life of a soldier, maybe some people stumbled on it by accident, there might be someone who just reads it because they're insanely bored, perhaps my friends read it to catch up on some of the time I've missed with them, of course my family reads it because, that's what family does, and maybe some of you actually learned something from my ridiculously abstract, over analyzing train of thought. Regardless for you're reason for reading, I just hope for the few minutes it takes you to read each update, you at least leaned back in your chair that some of you sadly enough, might be sprouting roots from, and said "wow, he's a great writer," "wow, he's out of his mind", "did I just read that mindless shit?", "this might be worth bookmarking," WHATEVER! I guess I'm just trying to say, thank you, for reading into it I mean. I hope someone at least took a step back and analyzed what it is I'm trying to say, about friends, relationships, bad jobs and family, maybe someone can learn from my mistakes?

Thank you

This will be a brief pictorial post so I can present at least a mental image of my weekend. Starting from the far left, we have our good friend, Mr. Anderson, a slightly (a very lose usage of the word) intoxicated party goer, and Heidi. Things were pretty low key at this point in this frozen moment, shortly before we changed and went out. For the rest of my weekend adventures, please click the link below for the rest of my weekend activities.

Pictures

Current iTunes: Jon B - Lately

GOOD MORNING FORT BRAGG HELL!!! Another morning in suspended misery as I cautiously walk the seemingly short sidewalk to morning formation. Fall into place, salute the flag, and then slip out of formation unnoticed as I walk with my tail tucked praying that I don't get spotted as I make my way back to bed until 0900. Clearly I made it yet again. A very interesting weekend overall. My story begins on Friday, where the other man who dwells in my apartment, Mark, gets his long awaited opportunity to meet his new girl "Korin" in Jacksonville, NC. Needless to say, he spent the weekend up there with her, and apparently she has more money then she knows what to do with, because she spent several thousand dollars on a diamond ring for him to rock after a meeting him a mere week ago. He was bragging about herMercedes-Benz, and how she let him drive it, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a smudge jealous, but no matter, I still firmly believe I carry the real bragging rights ;-). More power to Mark for his much deserved and surely necessary weekend of romantic bliss and frolicking.

iTunes Interlude: John Mayer - Split Screen Sadness

My weekend? Derived from alcohol abuse and repentive thoughts on my monumental mistake of enlisting to serve a sentence, enough said. I did however have a pretty successfully weekend all-together, I was able to sleep until 3pm yesterday, which I must say is a first for me, as my internal clock is set at the depressing time of "way to frigging early". A friend called me Friday night, she was pretty sick, which made me unhappy, but she pulled through only to learn a good lesson, or so I hope!

I had a pretty substantial argument with a friend of a best friend, which was less then pleasant. However, Dave knows I'm here for him always, I think he understands that I was far from wrong in my arguments with his (ex)signifigant other. We'll leave it alone for the time being. I'll write further detailings as they unfold. On the happy list, I might be seeing Dave and our long lost friend Peter!!! Peter is very much a character, and one of our last good memories together was Dave, myself and him traveling a very herbally intoxicating trip to upstate Vermont, and to Canada. That was I think at least 4 or 5 years ago, so it's time to rekindle a good friend, and I hope it happens soon.

Techincal Updates: I've had over 1000 unique readers, and several reloads since I've started OhCole.com

It's time to endure another Monday as the Devil's slave. Everyone have a good day.

Current Music: Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home

I'm taking my mid day savings time (lunch) and escaping the sauna of Army Hell. Today, I'm doing a bit of pencil pushing in the operations command, which I will admit is a satisfying escape from my racist, slave driving immediate supervisors (yes there are multiple supervisors, doesn't this just scream micro-management?). At least tonight is friday, but haste not, I'm hard slotted to tackle 24 hours worth of mind eroding CQ duty, to which I will use my rank to delegate my authority to the person working underneath me, so we'll each only do 12 hours, instead of 24. I seem to be getting short changed on pay this month, which is financially devasting to my funds, because I was overpaying my bills to get ahead, and now, it's coming back to bite me in the ass. Bummer.

Finish this post in the later evening, before the alcohol demons take over my writing abilities.

Current Music: Dave Matthews Band - Typical Situation

It's been a few days since my last confession. I've been waiting, however impatiently, but waiting for the United States Army to pull it's bureaucratic thumb swiftly out of it's tightly clenched, oversized ass. It' s a ridiculously long process that can only be referred to as obnoxious at best. The reason I'm going through the process of medical separation became evident yet again when my migraine headache rendered it's evil face last night, and mostly through the morning. To my luck, I have a neighbor who is an EMT, not to mention well versed in my specific condition to help make sure I make it through. The lovingly homosexual, Army super trooper, Tara! Unfortunately, Emily had to witness my episode while on the phone, which undoubtedly made her nervous, and I'm sorry.

On a plus side to things, my workouts have become far more intense, and although it's been entirely too hot to bike more then 3 or 4 miles outside, I've been trying to pick up my 2 mile sprint time, as well as kick my weight training back into the forward direction. I'm still lacking a regular workout partner, which makes it difficult to maximize my time, but I do have a sufficient mountain bike partner, who can at least "hang" with me, and challenges me during uphill climbs. I'll surely be ready for next season's rigorous cross country race season in New England, and I'll hopefully be a force to reckon with.

I wish I had more to write about right now, but I'm in the middle of a fantastic book, and I'm not feeling well to boot.

Have a good day.

Technical Update: I've created a XML site feed for easy/automatic updates of OhCole.com. For you MAC users, it's as easy as clicking the RSS button in your Safari browser, and for PC users, use the link to the right to subscribe to the feed manually.

For those of you who have neglected to click on my picture link, here is a tax free view.

Another weekend comes to an abrupt and upsetting close. My sister and I had a grand old time together during her visit. She and I were able to enjoy the desert-like heat by the pool, we saw the Exorcism of Emily Rose; holy shit. If anyone is looking for a scare, go see that movie in the theater, if you're into that loud satanic/demonic howl of a young girl who's been possessed, you're in for an intense mind blower.

I've exhausted a lot of time the past few days trying to catch up with people whom I care about the most. I regretfully do not keep in touch with the people are the most important, at least as often as I prefer/should. By no means will I place fault on anyone else, but I'd be accepting too much of the responsibility to take absolute ownership of the necessary burden. I'm not going to dive too deep into this, because as pre described, I've spent a lot of time catching up, and I don't intend to fall behind the curve again, since close friends are very difficult to come by.

On friends: Good news for Jayme, he's moving in with the USM "guys house" as we've come to call it. A shout to all the guys who live there, Joey, Matt, Slay, Dustin, Rob, and now Jayme. Great group of guys, truly. Glad to see things on the much deserved upswing for this man. Everyone smashes into some bad times, I'm just glad he was able to come back, take the wheel and charge full steam ahead.

Saying I'm a photogenic person is a stretch, saying I belong in a photo at all is tugging some fine strings as well, so naturally, I love to see pictures of my friends who are actually capable of looking as they are though someone crafted them perfectly in the picture. That's how I feel about the above picture of Emily. I quote what I said to her when she first showed me, "That is the kind of picture that makes you stop moving, just to say 'wow'". On Emily, things are looking up for her as well, and not a moment too soon, for us both. Sometimes all a person needs is a nudge in the right direction, from luck or other wise. I'm just glad she received her emotional shove sooner then later. Being so close, her stress naturally becomes mine, and there was nothing I could do about it. I hate feeling helpless when people need me the most, however, all this is about to change. I'm not going to be held back by this place I loathe so much, I'll be able to be more selfless, literally "be there" when someone needs me.

Alaina: Right now this girl resides somewhere I've always had fantasies about, San Francisco. I used to try to get Dave to go with me during high school, haha, so obviously our feeble incomes would never support such an adventure. Back to Alaina, let's just say she's had a rough start to transition phase, she was smack in the of the most horrible natural disaster our generation has ever been plagued with. After being forced from her college in downtown NO, she briefly resided in Texas, and then was shuffled over to SF (no loss in my opinion) to catch up on her first week of school. It's difficult to fathom that kind of a start to one's freshmen year of college, but she's handled it exceptionally well, and she seems to be enjoying her experience all the same.

As for the rest of my friends, please understand I'm not leaving anyone out intentionally from this post, you're all here with me, believe me.


here's to catching up.Goodnight.

Believe me, something this weekend has to give merit a lenghty texual insight to my more then eventful weekend. Just to give you a teaser, I just got home from the clubs at 9, this morning, got home from then at 8 yesterday morning, I'm still drunk and my sister is passed out in my bed. haha. good lord.

Days off. I always try to cherish my days off, because there is nothing more amazing then a full day to do whatever you desire. Lots of people take the utmost advantage to make sure they take care of errands and other important details to make their working days more productive. Huh? WHAT!? Why in the hell would anyone want to do things for work on our much needed God given days of rest? As for me, I tend to approach days off with a different attitude, I spend a large portion of the day contemplating what I'll do. Listening to music, training, working out, perphaps some tv and writing, the point is, just the simple knowledge that I have an entire day of solitude is enough for me to enjoy myself.

My sister is coming into town this weekend, so I'm sure I won't have time to do a proper update. It will be nice to have some family here in North Carolina, aside from the jacks that live here, not that I mean them any disrespect. Hopefully I can con her into editing some of my college essays, I need a helpful hand as far as assuring my writing isn't completely mangled, as it often unfolds to be.

Today has been an eventful one. I managed to get a knock on my door at 630 for a "random" drug test (which I seem to be selected for on every occassion), so that threw my agenda of sleeping until 12 off. I also muscled a rigorous 12 mile uphill mountain bike ride to which was hugely overdue. I think my next plan of action for the remainder of the day is to hit the gym, and push myself through an evening of excessive alcohol consumption, all to be up at 800 tomorrow to pick up Erica at the airport. A pre-alcoholic warning for tonight's festivities, I encourage anyone who may receive a phone call anytime past 10, to please not hold me liable for what I might say, as I'll probably wake up tomorrow wishing I could crawl under a rock. Everyone please be safe tonight.

Technical Update: Since I started tracking OhCole.com just 3 short days ago, I've already had 356 hits, and 304 of them are unique, which for the non-tech-savvy are different IP address or different users, with first time visits. I'm fairly surprised with the results overall, as well as the number of repeated hits to indicate people are coming back for the updates.

While I'll do my best not to dissapoint anyone, I regret that I have very little to post about tonight, however, a good friend of mine just flew into Raleigh Durham International tonight, so I was able to see said friend this evening and catch up.

I was a breath away from being sent to jail today for threatening to teach my supervisor a few lessons with hand-to-hand combat, I was able to restrain thankfully.

The Goods: Emily had her stitches removed today! That should lift a layer of stress from her, to which she's been long over due. Also, the storm should lift in time for my sister to come into the area this weekend and enjoy some of the beach weather, and some of my Army friends to boot. Can we all say *wasted*? I'm pretty sure we can.

until next time

Vent: I was content with my first post today, but I have this incredible need to vent my frustrations. What better place to tackle such a task then here @ ohcole.com. I fall into rank amongst the average man in his twenties as far as emotional stress and anxiety, the difference between all of us is how we opt to handle our unique predicaments. I hate to admit that I am a fairly irritable person, but it takes a real act of betrayal and almost deliberate loss of care for my feelings to really test the waters and set me into a destructive verbal (sometimes physical charge). I've always been a person that will do everything I say I will, with the absolute best intentions and with at least a degree of punctuality. Now I don't expect anyone to do anything right 100% of the time, but I've come to hope that the closest of friends, at least once in a while do what they said they intend to. Now this is where we all differ as far as damage control; someone might say "*$^# you, *$^# you, *$^# you, you're cool *$^# you, I'M OUT! (thanks Half-Baked)" Me? I give the benefit of the doubt. But when do you draw the line? This has always impeded my reaction process. Now make no mistake, I'm surely mature enough (given the proper circumstances), to "man-up" and say what really needs to be said, but it's much easier said then done, especially in specific situations. No one is so naive to think this vent wasn't properly merited, and believe me it did spawn from a recurring pang of carelessness. With some exceptions to my previous posts, I try to make a point, or at least accurately display my personal opinions. I wonder if anyone else has such abstract thinking, and if any of you do anything with it. I do admit that some of my ideas spawn from too much time on my hands, especially during the evening hours, and during the week, probably because I'm by myself. I used to think it was a curse, and normally I'd talk to someone about it, but it usually goes in one ear or out the other, or I never clearly explain what the hell it is that I'm talking about.

Perfect evening to take a walk before the storm hits. Good*night

Current Music: Bobby Valentino - Tell Me (Remix)

One more day in military turmoil, but at least I can count the number of days I have left of my sentence on my hands (and possibly one or two toes). Today was a pretty uneventful one, I spent most of the American's hard earned and swiftly paid tax dollars on adjusting my pillow to accomdate my rapidly worsening wrist pain. On the upside, however, I stood attentively in the end of day formation where the commander had us wait around an extra 30 minutes in order to promote a soldier, while insisting that "today is a great day to have the life of a soldier", where I got my ass chewed yet again for snickering obnoxiously so that everyone could hear.

Before I started counting the days I had left, it was weeks, then months, and initially, years *insert bullet and pull trigger here*. It was exceptionally difficult while sitting in the desert, or in the woods of North Carolina for 24 hour "guard" shifts watching for suspicious activity and administering control of drunken neanderthals, civilians refer to as, Soldiers. I can't be a hipocrite though, I've had my ration of liquid courage and drunken adventures. I'll miss a lot of this my experience too, jumping from airplanes, blowing things up, going to exotic places, seeing exotic things, meeting exotic people and killing them (I'm taking a poke at the U.S Marines right here). I'll miss the experiences though, truely, I've grown a lot from my service, probably more then most I know my age. I don't mean to offend anyone here, you all have so much invested in your respective colleges and with your friends, who are no doubt life-long and plentiful.

We, the prestigious 327th Signal Bat will be center lined for a major hit from hurricane Ophelia. We will undoubtedly be hard slotted for some kind of "clean-up" detail, (to which I will delegate my authority to the Privates, which is an irritating task in itself).

Tomorrow is going to be a unique relief, I don't need to show up until 0900 or 9:00 AM for the civilians. I'm sure most people (college students especially) will cringe and say something to the tune of "Until 9!! What time do you normally goto work", the answer to that terrible reality is 6 AM. A shorter post this evening I admit, and perhaps far less entertaining, but more informative with little bit of insight to the day of a very unconventional soldier. Take care, and good night.

Current Music: Sugarcult - Pretty Girl

Second post in a day; on a roll, right? I was looking back at some photographs today...is it normal to be so distraught? I never really appreciated the signifigance of a photograph until one night, many-a-nights ago, when I came to the conclusion that I am reliving my happiest moments thru the frozen memories. It's sometimes difficult to look in that folder, and I can't even pinpoint why. My transition from civilian life to military life was difficult, and I feel like I've been living a double-life ever since. However, on the upside of this, I get to add a whole new album in to my library, one that starts the day I leave Fort Bragg and enter the rest of my life. I don't really think that I should set too high a standard for my "new album", because I don't want to be dissapointed.

**on a side note, Laguna Beach has to be scripted. How the hell can that much drama surround 8 people?**

Some of my friends: Alright, the fall time, traditionally has been a difficult time for most people, mostly people, who in their 20's who are leaving oh-so-blissful summer good times, entering yet another year of self inflicted pain aka BACK TO COLLEGE! Aside from that, the weather is changing, people are throwing on more layers of clothing, instead of the eye pleasing string bikini and mini skirt wardrobe (I'm such a guy), and whatever it is we men wear to catch women's eyes. Since I've been slaving my "life" away to Uncle Sam's every beck and call, my distinction between summer "jams" (thanks Craig David) and everyday duties has been tainted. Anyway, I had a point to this rant, my friends. I'll leave out names to be respectful, however I think people will get the idea. Aside from the difficult fall adjustments, and clothing changes, peoples relationships change as well. Parallel to these few months of changes, Love is lost, maybe found, but mostly lost, (personal experience is noted). Many of my greatest relationships have traditonally spoiled this time of year, and I've never completely figured out why, however I have some theories. My first theory is that Love is challeneged by rapidly transitioning lifestyles and up and exciting possibilities of new experiences, people, romances, friendships, and the fear of (sorry for the military termonolgy here) "failure-to-adapt". scenarios. However, my personal experiences also reflect good transitions, incredible ones...moving on. A close friend of mine lost his love, and it breaks my heart to see him hurt, because he's been a friend for years, and both parties are unconditionally important to me. As for the girl, well, it hurts me equally to see her in pain. However they seem to trying to cope, as I have, I wonder if it's really getting easier, or just temporary blindness (madness?) while in our transitional phases. Someone else close to me is also going through a difficult time, more a string of bad luck to which I'm fortunately a spectator to. One thing after another plagues her transitional phase, and as I will try to push across to strangers who are already reading my confessions, but is already overly evident to my signifigant other(s), I would die (for lack of a better synonym) for them, or at least stand in between them and the continually fast moving train known as "life". <--cliche' I know, but true none-the-less.

As for me, and my transitional phase...let's just say, following suit to peers and self, fall adds to my album, good and bad, more good then bad, but still incredibly difficult and signifigant. I'm still new to expressing myself to strangers, and friends/family. As far as the details, I'll just say I haven't lost Love this season, just altered it, in more ways then expressable. So a tribute to all who qualify, thank you for being here for me, I only hope I am as helpful as you all have been.

I could write in this all night, it's an incredible release which I never thought I'd benifit or enjoy. So, enough of this shit, I have a double date tonight, pillow and blanket.

Night

I've finally started this. I've planned on creating a blog for ages now, but now is the time. I'm currently still at Fort Bragg with 327th SIG, but I'm moving out in a few weeks to New Hampshire with my new room mate, I'll report how that goes as it unfolds. A long and strenuous process....out-processing is turning out to be. Piles of paperwork which will surely be lost, misplaced, discarded and/or neglected. So making about 5 copies of each is probably a safe bet.

As another rediculous day of nothing comes to close, I sit at my trusty iBook and juggle paperwork, movement prep, lifting and training on the mountain bike. Today will surely be gym time. I was just watching an "Over-There" re-run on FX, a very good look into Army/Soldier life while deployed to Iraq, the yelling, the stress, family problems and things are very real. Even though I wouldn't wish Iraq on my worst enemy (that's actually debatable), I can't help having a very acute nostalgia for time to bond with my friends and fellow Soldiers, with extreme emphasis on "acute". I learned everything about my friends' distant cousin's car accident, to things I don't think another soul should ever hear about. But all the same, it was a memorable experience to learn about different backgrounds and cultures far different then my own sheltered up-bringing.

Back to the present, I'm very excited about my move, in many aspects ;-). We're going to have a house warming party as soon as we're properly established. Time for the gym, plus my wrist is killing me (carpal tunnel I swear).