Current TV: Real World Austin

Wow. Incredibly irritable and more then just a little PISSED off. It's one of those evenings where it's nearly impossible to pinpoint what it is that is bothering you exactly. I'm very upset with the fact that I can't define my frustrations, which is a precise portion of my pangs. I figured maybe a good little workout would ease things up a bit, but the second I got there, I found out that half of the gym was closed, and go figure, the side where all the free-weights are. GREAT!. Next, after I finished my cardio, I came home and sat at my computer with absolute disgust for about 30 minutes.

Next, I tried to think about the fact I'm headed home soon, but that didn't help. Now, I'm supposed to be headed up the coast this weekend to visit friends along the way, not one person reaaaallly seems to give more then a shit that I'm doing this, I almost don't want to. I've flown to and from NC to ME and else where to visit people I care(d) about, and you know what really pisses me off? Not one of them has come here to see me. Everyone has a unique excuse as to why they can't or couldn't: "You know I want to I'm just too busy", "I just can't, but I want to", "I can't afford to." Blah blah blah blah eat me. Does anyone honestly believe that I could afford to every time I did? I've come within inches of having all my pay and future leave rights removed because I flew out of here on a weekend that I wasn't supposed, but no one really ever gave a shit. I've inconvenienced my friends and family to give me rides from airports as far as Boston at 2 in the morning when they had to work or go to class the next day, which I appreciate more then I can say, really. I'm getting a little distraught thinking about the things I've done for people, and overly guilty about the monumental things people (I love you Mom) have done for me so that I was able to do everything and see everyone I said I would. You know what's really twisted about this, is that people start to take it for granted how hard I try to see and please them. If my plane get's delayed, or even cancelled or diverted, it wasn't "it's ok, I hope to see you soon", it's "I swore off plans for the night so I could see you." (Yes that's actually been seen to me). Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!? I might actually follow the masses for the first time in a long time; I'm going to be selfish. I've earned it.

I hope someone can cheer me up, but I don't see that happening tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be an opportunity for a clean slate.